I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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