sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize