trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
