I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your face is a jimmy john
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
