Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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