omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
