he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
