he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
