Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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