Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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