I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
