Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
