You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
