dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
