Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
