So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize