Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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