we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
