Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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