Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
