I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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