We won't sleep together?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
