If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize