The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
