dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
