I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
