I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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