barbara walters just said penis...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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