this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
