Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
