Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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