So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I deserve this hangover.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
