We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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