Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
