I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just cut my nipple shaving
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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