My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
