He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize