the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
