You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
