Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
