are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
