I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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