then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
