i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
