I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize