You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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