escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
