He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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