I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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