some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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