i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
