its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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