i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this will be a night to untag.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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