Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
