I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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