wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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