They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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