that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize