well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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