I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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