Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
