There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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