I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize