the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
