I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
