YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
