I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize