Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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