I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
