i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
