how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
