You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
