New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
