i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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