Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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