I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
