Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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