saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
