I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm like, not good at living.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
