I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
