ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
