: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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