but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
