I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
