I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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