He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
