is wine microwaveable?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
