How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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