Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
