I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
