Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It all started with a game of naked twister.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize