i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
