I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
