She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
vagina is talking i cant
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
