it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
