Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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