8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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