Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
