yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
