So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
