She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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