Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
