I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
