the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
there is glitter all over my balls
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