It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
