can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
