Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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