Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
