God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
