I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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