um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
