I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
