We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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