I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
