is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize