Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
